As my daughter looked up at me, I saw her beautiful blue eyes begging for an answer through her tears. There were so many firsts that rushed through my mind with her as my oldest child. The first time she skinned her knee, the first time she lost a tooth, the first time she no longer believed in Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy, the first time she no longer wanted to play with dolls, the first time she was too cool for dresses, the first time she didn’t want to hold my hand in public…but nothing prepared me for her first heartbreak, this was the hardest first by far. The idea that another person could hurt my daughter’s heart and I couldn’t fix it for her was so painful.
So, I thumbed through my words of wisdom that had been passed down to me from my mother and her mother and I think I may have blurted out the “fish in the sea” line and maybe the “his loss” one, and I just grabbed her and hugged her and said it’s okay to cry. Then I shuffled her into the car and we drove to Dairy Queen to get our favorite blizzards. We didn’t talk about him, or the breakup again for the rest of the night, but we did talk about a LOT of other things. It was one of the best all night talks we had ever. As I laid beside her laughing, I felt her hand grab mine and she looked at me and smiled and said, “thanks mom”. I played it cool and squeaked out “your welcome”. I noticed that her hand, although it had grown a lot since the days when she wasn’t allowed to cross the street without me, it was still smaller than mine, and it reminded me that she still needs me.
It’s hard to find the perfect balance between letting go of control and making sure to still guide, but teens still need us parents. They don’t need perfect parents (thank goodness), they need us to help them through hard times and new situations, they need us to show them how to deal with stress and pain, they need us to teach them ways to avoid drugs and alcohol. For more information on helping your teen navigate their emotions check out these websites:
https://www.imom.com/3-steps-for-helping-your-teen-handle-emotions/#.W-JrepNKjIU
https://www.bradleyhospital.org/how-can-i-teach-my-teen-resolve-feelings-positive-way
https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/02/28/teen-boys-express-feelings_n_15065192.html