My phone rings and my heart sinks into my stomach as I recognize the number to my son’s school. I think I mumbled out some form of hello, trying not to sound petrified. Meanwhile my heart is now pounding through my neck and my brain is thinking of a million possible worst case scenerios, all staring my son in a heap of trouble. Ma’am, there has been an incident and we need you to come down to the school. I immediately ask if my son is okay, because I know that is what you’re supposed to do, but deep down, I know he is not hurt but got himself in trouble again. After a brief “yes ma’am, but we need you to come to the school”, I nod as if they can hear my head shake and managed to squeak out that I was on my way.
I can now feel my heart beat in my face and it feels like it’s a million degrees in my car. I hit every red light and yell at the lights to hurry up and change. Time seems to stand still as I pull into the school parking lot and walk towards the door. The front desk receptionist knows me well from my frequent un-planned visits, and she gives me the sideways smile that tells me it’s not good, and then asks me to have a seat. I work to try to control my breathing and stop thinking about the news I’m about to get this time.
The principal calls me to walk back to his office with him. I try desperately to read his face but it’s void of expression, which only makes me worry more. He says that he wants to get right to the point and proceeds to tell me that my son was caught buying Marijuana from another student. He said a lot of other things after that, but I went into a complete fog from that moment on. I knew my son had been getting in trouble a lot at school, fighting with some other kids, being disrespectful to teachers, even skipping class, but this….this I didn’t expect.
I just don’t understand, we raised him better than that didn’t we? I mean we signed him up for sports, we took him to church, we helped him with homework, we live in a good neighborhood, I even worked a double shift 3 times a week to pay for tuition at the best school in the area. Where did we go wrong?
The car ride home was silent. I was torn between shock and anger and didn’t even know what to say. My son just stared out the window. We got home and he went straight to his room, and I fell onto my bed and began sobbing. I glanced over at the picture of him I had on my dresser from his kindergarten graduation and flashed back to the moment when I watched him tripping over his little graduation gown toward me asking if he could have cake yet. I remember thinking he was the cutest and smartest kid on the planet and I just knew he was going to do amazing things. I never expected this.
After about an hour of feeling sorry for myself, I had the overwhelming need to do something. I wasn’t quite sure what that something was, but something for sure. I walked quickly toward his bedroom, swallowing hard, not quite sure what I was going to do or say. I opened up his door and saw him sitting on the edge of his bed staring down at the floor with tears in his eyes. That’s when I knew exactly what I had to do. I had to be there for him. I had to love him. I had to help him through this. I had to get us help.
Finding out that your child has an addiction is not the end. Be the advocate your child needs and seek addiction recovery services. September is National Recovery Month. Find out now what you can do to learn more about intervention and recovery, because every child deserves the help they need.
To find treatment services in Charlotte County click on the link below:
Treatment Resources or, call 2-1-1
To find treatment services anywhere in the United States click on the link below:
SAMHSA Treatment locator or call 1-800-662-4357 (HELP)
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*Author: Jen Bernardi, Prevention Programs Coordinator, Drug Free Charlotte County