For those of us in the boomer generation, we remember family dinners around the table with face-to-face conversations about our day, current events, and a multitude of other topics. No cell phones, no tablets, no computers, no iPads, and no TV during dinner. Little did we know back then the most impacting mental health therapy tool was the dining table…. always available, no cost, and one in every home.
“Tête-a-tête” is a French term that means,” face-to-face conversation excluding all technology communication devices”, according to the Urban Dictionary. It involves not only communication with words, but also with voice, facial expressions, and body language. Much communication can be completed even in silence at a tête-a-tête.
We’ve come a long way…a long way AWAY from face-to-face communication. Just look around you as you visit restaurants, the mall, even the park. People are communicating with their faces down locked on a screen, ear plugs in place, and fingers moving typing words. So much genuine communication is missed and the sad thing is, we have gotten used to it, we’ve adapted to it, we’ve accepted is as the norm for our busy lives.
As a Drug Free Charlotte County prevention coordinator in elementary schools in our county, I see first-hand the need for tête-a-tête. Children crave the attention of a face-to-face communication with significant adults. Evidence shows even just one caring adult to relate to a child in a caring, meaningful way, can make all the difference in their sense of self-worth, confidence, purpose and direction in life. This act as a deterrent from experimentation with drugs and other poor choices – what we call in prevention, a “protective factor.” If our children’s main source of communication is on a screen, it leads to a sense of isolation, even though they may have hundreds of friends on social media…. they haven’t faced or met most of them.
Is it possible to turn back the clock and re-institute the family dinner table? Is it possible to call a regular time out on devices in favor of some genuine face-to-face time? I believe it IS possible…absolutely necessary…and essential for raising healthy children into healthy drug-free adults.
All of us can do this-anywhere, anytime-with any child.
Let’s give children our full attention.
Let’s listen.
Let’s look into their eyes and affirm them, encourage them, and most of all get to know them with something as simple as a tête-a-tête.
Let’s be that one significant adult that can make all the difference. Why not you? Why not me?
Watch for a future blog from me with ideas on how to tête-a-tête with children.
By Rachel Struebing, RN, Elementary Prevention Coordinator