My 9-year old who is sitting at the counter still working on a 1-page Science assignment that he should have completed 30 minutes ago, begins to cry. I’m trying to vigorously stir my sauce to keep it from bubbling over. My son tells me he is stuck on a word he can’t read. I tell him to spell it out loud to me so I can help him. He sobs out, “S-C-I-E-N…” then the dog starts barking at me, the bark where he stares at me and his loud bark vibrates through my core, letting me know he needs a walk. I yell out to my 13- year-old who is hiding out in her room as usual, “THE DOG NEEDS TO GO OUT”. She storms out of her room, feet slamming at the tile, her teenage attitude turned up to full blast.
“Okay”, I tell my son as I am trying to chop the veggies for the salad, “spell it again”. Now he has his head down on his book, the pages wet with his tears and letters smearing. “I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE”, he screams as he storms off to his room leaving his tear-filled pages at the counter.
Just then, my oldest comes home from the bus, sweating profusely, throws her book bag and her water bottle on the floor next to the couch and plops down as if gravity has finally won the battle and pushed her out flat. She immediately pops her headphones in and puts her phone up to her face…..not even a hello today I guess, and there is no point in me saying it to her because she can’t hear me with those stupid things in her ears anyway.
I finish the salad and head to my son’s room, smeared science papers in hand, to rescue him from what has now become a tornado of emotions consuming him as he has buried himself under every blanket and pillow he has. After a 30 minute re-direct to bring him back, I work with him through the last few words on his assignment.
After he finished, he went right to the TV to watch YouTubes of people who make forts all over the place. Immediately, my 13-year-old begins to complain that she doesn’t want to watch that, even though she wasn’t watching TV prior. After listening to the two of them bicker back and forth for what seems like eternity while I drain the pasta, she storms back to her room to watch TV in there, AGAIN.
My husband walks in the door and says hello and simultaneously I realize I am smelling something burning….OH NO…..I forgot about the garlic bread…I frantically search for my hot pads, yank the garlic bread out of the oven, turn on the fan, and start waving at the smoke with the hand towel. BEEP BEEP BEEP, nope, too late, fire alarm is going off. I snap at my husband to go call the alarm company and tell them it is a false alarm before the fire department shows up. He shoots me a look for my sharpness and then makes the call.
Meanwhile the dog is barking at the fire alarm and I’m climbing up a ladder to shut it off. My 13-year-old comes out of her room to see what the fuss is all about, while my oldest hasn’t budged off the couch, headphones still on.
That’s it, I’ve had it.
Now I need a minute for myself, for just me.
I go in the bathroom and now I am the one sobbing. I had such a different vision of what this evening was going to be like….candles lit, everyone happy and cheerful, sitting at the table together, eating a perfectly prepared delicious meal made from scratch by yours truly, everyone so grateful for all my hard work….okay so maybe it was a little far fetched to begin with. I wash my face off and stare in the mirror. I decide that I am done with my pity party and it is time to pull myself together.
I walk out of the bathroom and I see my husband and son setting the table, my oldest is now scraping the burnt parts off the garlic bread and putting it into a bowl, and my 13-year-old is plating the spaghetti. The dog has decided he is finally tired and is napping on the couch. Everyone begins to sit at the table to eat. My son says the blessing tonight and decided to include a, “thank you for mommy for helping me with my science”. I look around at my family and my heart is suddenly busting at the seams. My oldest begins to tell us a funny story that happened at lunch and we all start laughing.
THIS…
This, is the best part of my day. It is right now that makes every difficult moment worth it.
No one has a perfect family. Perfection doesn’t really fit anywhere near a family in fact. It is important to remember, that it isn’t all the minor flaws, mistakes, or imperfect chaos that defines a family. What is really important is our time together. Focusing on those moments of joy when the world slows down for a minute and you can JUST BE together. It doesn’t matter if your cooking from scratch or ordering a pizza, just taking the time to come together and center again as a family is what it is all about.
So gather your family, and join me on September 28th in celebrating Stand Up For Sitting Down Together – Family Day. This is a day to take the time to have a family dinner together and enjoy what really matters.
Jen Bernardi is a Prevention Program Coordinator at Drug Free Charlotte County
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