It’s 8 am and I’m already exhausted. So far, I’ve gotten all three kids ready, fed, and off to 3 different schools despite the fact that my oldest “never has anything to wear” and my youngest spent the entire car ride sobbing because he couldn’t bring the snail he found on the driveway, I showered and got myself ready for work, made coffee, scarfed down a half a banana that my son refused to finish, stopped at the store to buy cookies for my daughter’s school holiday party because I had zero time to make the ones I had planned to, dropped the Christmas cards in the mail that I finally finished even though I know they have zero chance to make it on time, drove back home as I remembered I forgot to turn off the Christmas lights and with my luck there would’ve been a fire, and now I’ve finally arrived at my office where I rush through the doors with arms loaded with bags and papers and a to-do list longer than the hours in the day could ever accommodate. I take my first sip of coffee with no sugar because I haven’t had time to get my grocery shopping done this week, and I feel my head pounding with a Cat 5 headache and I’m convinced my brain is going to just explode at any minute. As I sift through the waterfall of emails and phone messages my brain begins to drift into my other to-do list of things I have to accomplish after work: pick up a present for my sister, drop the chinchilla off to the sitter (yes, this is a strange but real item on my list), wrap the remaining gifts I’ve got thrown all over my bedroom, begin the packing list for our camping trip, stop at the grocery store and pick up the last few items needed for the trip, and….oh no, I just realized I forgot to pay the water bill…I feel like I’m losing my mind!
Sound familiar? Holidays, like many other things in our lives can create stress. Stress is not something that can be completely avoided because things happen in our lives that we can’t always control. What we need to do is find ways to manage our stress, and how we deal with it. Easier said than done? Maybe not. Here are some ideas to find balance and maybe even some peace amidst the chaos that life can bring.
First, the balance. We all have a million things we MUST do every day, right? Wrong. Truth is some of the things we MUST do, and some of the things we would LIKE to do. Creating a schedule and planning your day ahead of time (in writing) can alleviate some stress by weeding out those items that aren’t crucial and setting aside a realistic amount of time for the things that are. There are so many ways to do this to make it work for everyone. You can use an app on your phone, or the calendar feature on your computer, or even a hand-written planner. Some people even develop a great satisfaction by physically checking off items as they are completed.
It’s important not only to determine the difference, but to use different words in our own thoughts. Creating positive self-talk can change the way we feel about ourselves and our accomplishments throughout the day. For example, if we tell ourselves that we MUST do everything, even the things we don’t HAVE to do, not only are we setting ourselves up to fail, but we are creating an unnessesary stress and feeling bad about ourselves at the end of every day. Looking at our accomplishments daily and telling ourselves that we did a good job can create less stress and a happier overall feeling about life in general.
Now, all stress cannot be avoided and, so we need to be using healthy ways to deal with it. The sad fact of the matter is that many of us were not taught healthy stress coping techniques. You may remember a parent drinking after a stressful day, or possibly even using drugs, or maybe they got angry when they were stressed and fighting, and yelling is how it appeared in your home. Unfortunately, sometimes these learned behaviors are adapted into our lives as a normal way of dealing with stress, and if that is true for you than you may be passing the same behaviors on to your children. However, NOW is the best time to change those behaviors into super stress busting skills and show your kids they can do the same. Everyone is going to react differently to different stress reduction techniques, so I’ve put together a list of 20 different things you can try until you find what works best for you:
- Deep Breathing – Yes, this may sound cliché, but deep breaths work for a few different reasons. First, it’s a technique you can take with you everywhere. It doesn’t require any special equipment or supplies or location to do it and you can literally do it anytime and anywhere. It also forces you to deliver more oxygen to your body and brain allowing a natural positive feeling, and it helps you to pause and not react immediately. Here’s how it works: Take a deep breath in through your nose to the count of 4, hold that breath for a count of 4, and then exhale through your mouth for a count of 4. Repeat these 4 times or more as needed.
- Positive Imagery – Think of a person, place, object, activity that makes you feel good. For me, it’s the beach. First you close your eyes and picture it in your mind. Think about specific smells, sounds, feelings, etc. about your image. I think about the sound of the waves, and the seagulls. I think about the way the wind feels on my face and in my hair, and how the sand feels on my toes. I think about the smell of the salty water and the sunblock on my skin. I picture the sun reflecting off the water and the waves lapping the shore. Think about your image as often as needed, and the more you practice this technique the more quickly the affects will take place.
- Mindfulness – This technique is similar to deep breathing, but in addition to breathing deeply you force your brain to only focus on breathing and nothing else. So, you’re thinking about the air as it is going in and out of your nose and filling up your lungs. When your brain begins to wonder off you force your thoughts back to only breathing. Doing this frequently will not only reduce stress but help you in your ability to focus throughout the day as well. I recommend doing this at night before bed when there are no other distractions until you become used to this technique.
- Go for a walk, or do another physical activity – Exercise is a natural and healthy way to reduce stress and feel happier as it releases endorphins into your brain.
- Listen to music – Put on a soft sounding or relaxing music. You can find relaxation stations on most popular music apps. Sometimes you can simply do a search for relaxing sounds and listen to rain drops or ocean waves or even white noise.
- Get enough sleep – So often we try to burn the candle at both ends thinking that we will be able to accomplish more that way, but we end up burning out and becoming less productive in the long run. Allowing your body, the rest and sleep it needs will help you feel better, have more energy, and function at your full potential.
- Eat healthy – Our brains need fuel to function right and help us reduce stress, but not just any fuel…the good stuff. Eating more fruits and vegetables and less processed foods gives our bodies the right fuel to feel our best.
- Drink water – Our bodies can feel sluggish, our brain tired, and we can even get sick if we aren’t drinking enough water.
- Try diffusing some essential oils – Lavender, Rose, Vetiver, Ylang Ylang, Bergamont, Chamomile, and Frankincense are all said to have a calming effect and reduce stress.
- Pick up a hobby – Doing something you love can help reduce stress. Maybe painting a picture, or working on cars, or planting a garden, whatever you enjoy doing, spend a few minutes doing it regularly.
- Go outside – Some studies have shown that being outside in the sun, surrounded by nature can help us to feel less stressed and happier overall. Maybe something as simple as eating your lunch outside instead of under the florescent lights at the office can help with stress.
- De-clutter your home and/or office – Removing excess clutter can help not only give you organization, but can provide a less stressful environment.
- Turn on your favorite comedy, look up some funny jokes or memes, chat with some friends that make you laugh. Spending time laughing can also release natural feel good chemicals into the brain.
- Be assertive – Learning when it is okay to say no can save you from mountains of stress. You don’t always have to agree to help everyone, or be at every event, or give to every charity.
- Join a meditation or yoga group – These are great ways to help your physical, mental, and emotional well-being, and reduce stress all at once.
- Find support – Talk to a friend, a mentor, a therapist, whomever you are comfortable with to seek good advice and offer a listening ear.
- Stay away from drugs and alcohol – Drugs and alcohol may seem like an easy way to relax, but they come with a world of problems both physical and emotionally and tend to add stress rather than remove it.
- Surround yourself with positivity – Spend time with positive people, leave yourself positive notes in your home or office in places that you will see them, read positive books, listen to positive music.
- Write about it – Sometimes writing about what is making you feel stressed will help you to put things into perspective, organize your thoughts, and let out what you are feeling.
- Be present – Occasionally the stress we are feeling is about the future. The what ifs, the could be’s, the next hurdle. Spending so much time focused on the future causes you to miss the present by handing it over to stress, so be present in the moment you’re in now.