This past year was very difficult for all of us, for some more than others. While we are all hoping for a better year in 2021, there are a few things we can focus on to help make this year a more positive one.
It is true we cannot control everything around us, but there are 3 things we can control that will improve our 2021:
Our goals… our attitude… and our coping skills.
Choosing to take control of these 3 things in our lives can also be a positive model for our children to follow.
First, our goals...
Each year, many of us come up with New Year resolutions. Some very popular ones are to be healthier, be more financially responsible, or to in some way become a better person. Unfortunately, less than 8% of people achieve their New Year resolutions according to Forbes.com. The goals themselves are great, admirable ideas.
The first problem is that most people either do not include a plan with their goals, or do not include a REALISTIC plan with their goals.
The second problem is that even those who do include a realistic plan are still human and may not reach each goal….and then instead of being flexible and evaluating challenges in order to make necessary goal changes, they quit.
The third problem is that people do not track their goals to see that they have made progress.
The last problem is that people do not reward their progress as they make it. In order to fall into the 8% of successfully achieving your resolutions, 1) set a realistic goal that includes a realistic plan (a vision board of your goals can help keep you reminded of these goals as well), 2) keep track of your progress and review it to remind yourself of how far you have come, 3) remember to forgive yourself if you miss your target, figure out what stood in your way, and make necessary changes to your goals, 4) reward yourself for each mini goal you reach, this will give you motivation that your brain thrives on.
Next, our attitude…
Ever heard the saying: “Attitude is everything”? Well there is more to that than we may realize.
Success.com says that we have the power to choose an inner dialogue of encouragement or defeat. People who create a positive inner dialogue not only are more successful, they are happier. It is human nature to develop ANTs….or Automatic Negative Thoughts according to the Strengthening Families Program by Dr. Karol Kumpfer….things like “I am terrible at this”, “I could never do that”, “I’ll never be able to…”, etc. ANT’s are much like ants the insects. When you see one, you know there are many nearby, and they tend to build huge, elaborate nests that can be difficult to get rid of.
The good news though is that you can get rid of and control ANTs much easier than the insects. ANTs can be removed and changed by first recognizing when you have one, next decide an opposite positive thought to replace it with (ANT – I could never run a 5k, ya right = More positive replacement – I cannot run a 5k yet, but I’m working on it). The more often you purposefully replace your ANTs with positive thoughts, the more likely your ANTs will turn into automatic positive thoughts instead.
Lastly, our coping skills…
Some things we can control, and some things we cannot.
We may face difficult things, difficult seasons, unfair situations, loss, and negativity. Unfortunately, these things are a part of all our lives an we cannot always stop them from happening or avoid them. So it is not just important, but vital to be able to cope in a positive way. This includes allowing ourselves to grieve and to understand the grieving process. It also means however that we need to find a method to push forward in times that are difficult to do so as well.
Every one of us will have different methods of coping that will work for us. For you maybe it is talking to a close friend, maybe it is focusing on a hobby, or perhaps it is meditation or spirituality. It is not important what you choose that works for you….what does matter is that it is healthy, and that you use it. Practicing healthy coping skills often will help you to avoid unhealthy coping habits like turning to drugs, alcohol, or overeating. Practicing healthy coping skills will also model to your children what they should do when they face difficult times as well.
Jen Bernardi, Prevention Coordinator, Drug Free Charlotte County
Here are articles that provided some of the ideas in this blog and have more tips for resolutions and success:
https://www.forbes.com/sites/ashiraprossack1/2018/12/31/goals-not-resolutions/?sh=6e82fcc53879