As I moved at a snail’s pace at the parent drop off line at the first of three schools for the day, I found myself looking at all the cars and kiddos as they exited. I wondered what kind of parents were in each of them. I found myself being very judgy…of myself.
The thoughts ran through my head like “That kid is really well dressed, I bet his mom gets up early, does yoga, and drinks all her coffee before picking out her clothes – instead of rolling out the door hoping my kid put socks on with his shoes – and that the car in front of me doesn’t have a spec of dirt on it… unlike mine – where I’m pretty sure my kids wrote clean me on it in the dust and dirt that has accumulated…at least I hope that was my kids that wrote… and thought to myself, “wow, that mom always packs her child’s lunch…I bet it’s a gluten-free-bento-box…at least I remembered to add money to my kids lunch account before I get one of THOSE notes AGAIN…”
“Hey, what kind of mom am I anyway?!”
After the last one of my three was dropped off, I sipped on my now-luke-warm-coffee, stared out my dirt-covered windshield, and………..let out a nice long sigh. (Breathe…one…two…three)
Then I did what you do when your feeling bad about yourself and want some comforting pity….I called my mother. (I promise..the chocolate chip cookies come later…be patient…)
My mom was quiet on the phone for a bit, letting me unleash all the woe-is-me that was taking up space in my morning routine. Then she laid down the “T”… (ummm…that’s teenager speak for “truth”…your welcome…)
She said, “every mom feels that way, even the ones with the gluten-free-bento-boxes and the perfectly dressed kid. Believe me – they are facing struggles of their own in this parenting thing.”
That’s when I realized…she’s right (shhhh…don’t tell her I said that). There are lots more important things to worry about then how clean my car is… how well dressed my kids are… or if they are eating gluten-free-bento-boxes. There are much bigger and more important things to be concerned about – like connecting with my kids and making sure they know how to say no to drugs and alcohol.
But…connecting to my teenager though sounds about as easy as winning the lottery these days.
As I added a reminder in my cell to buy a lotto ticket after work, I remembered that I had once heard a wise man, Ray Lozano, speak about Marijuana and teens. Everything he had to say was important and interesting, to be sure. But one thing stood out in my mind. In a nutshell (forgive me Ray, because I’m sure I am not as eloquent in my explanation as you were), if you really want to connect to a teen, you must understand their brain is different than ours. Their brains are still not fully developed, and they are functioning on an emotional level rather than an intellectual level. So…to connect with our kids, we need to first connect to them emotionally…rather than through lectures and our tired explanations (to them… I never tire of my explanations) of things.
Yep, it really is that simple and… not quite as complicated as I was thinking.
That’s when I added another reminder on my cell….block some time on my calendar this weekend to bake cookies with my kids. It’s going to be a chocolate chip filled weekend of connecting in this family!
For more information on drug and substance prevention in youth
visit www.RayLozano.com
Or, contact Drug Free Charlotte County – prevention@drugfreecc.org
By Jen Bernardi, Prevention Services Coordinator, Drug Free Charlotte County