“Mom, my friends are all going to a party and I want to go”. The words pinged around my brain like a pin ball, lighting up every fear receptor imaginable. A party? Already? What if they have alcohol or drugs there? Have I talked to her enough about drugs and alcohol….have I talked to her at all? As I realized I stopped breathing and needed to start again, I managed to mutter out “I’ll think about it”. Phew, saved by my indecision. Eventually though, an answer is going to have to be given. I guess I went to parties, and kids will be kids right? A little experimenting won’t hurt because everyone does it right?
Wrong. Okay so first let’s start out with “The Talk”, the one you dread because you know your kids are going to roll their eyes at you and say “ya, ya, mom, I know”, or maybe your worried that you’re actually going to be introducing a new topic to them they aren’t already familiar with and cause problems that don’t already exist. Truth is that these talks aren’t white noise, and they don’t create problems, they are an essential part to helping your kids stay drug and alcohol free. Drug Free Charlotte County is privileged to be able to present an anonymous teen norms survey to middle school and high school kids every year, and one awesome thing we found is that most teens in Charlotte County are not using drugs or drinking alcohol. Another awesome thing we found is the number one reason they say they don’t…..wait for it…..YOU. That’s right, it’s parental influence. So, the next time you have “The Talk” with them, and they roll their eyes, just know it IS making a difference.
What about the other side of the coin….is it too soon? I wondered myself for a long time, when is it the right time. Then one day my 1st grader came home and told me about how a boy in her class was talking about the beer he found in the fridge and drank at his house. That’s when I realized it’s never too early to have age appropriate conversations. Having regular conversations about drugs and alcohol make it less taboo to talk about as they get older and are faced with more and more information about it from friends and school mates. If you tell them about it, they will get accurate information, not what little Jimmy from art class knows because his big brother’s, friend’s, neighbor told him. Also, keep in mind that the average age of first use is 11 years old, so don’t wait!
Now, to address the next myth…a little experimenting is most definitely harmful. First of all, the pre-frontal cortex of your child’s brain is developing all the way through adolescence and when you add ANY substance, the developmental process is changed. To allow your child’s brain to develop to it’s true optimal potential they need to avoid all substances and they need to know that’s how you feel about it too. If you act like it’s not a big deal, they will too. Also, studies have proven that drinking before the age of 21 GREATLY increases the likelihood of alcoholism as an adult, whereas not drinking before the age of 21 they likely never will. With any drug, trying just one time can be the time that they become an addict. It’s much easier to not start than it is to quit.
The next part is a big part….stay CALM, and help your kid come up with a plan. It’s not enough to just agree to not do drugs and alcohol. Unfortunately, some of the best kids that come from the best homes, ones that have no intention of ever using drugs and alcohol, sometimes do anyway. Why? Well it comes down to their brains and their friends. As I mentioned before, a child’s brain is not fully developed, they already do not have a fully developed decision maker. Then you sprinkle in the friend factor and suddenly the no they were so firm about before turns into an ok. So, having a plan is crucial to helping your child say no. When making the plan remember how important it is for your child to save face in front of their friends. They need to be able to say something they are comfortable with, that they won’t be afraid to be made fun of. One example that may help is “I can’t, my parents randomly drug test me”, or, my mom has a drug test at home and I don’t know when she might give it to me”. Talk about how they can offer a suggestion of something different to do. Talk about an exit plan as well. Maybe they need to leave where they are at. They need to be comfortable calling you or someone else to get them, talk about who they can call. Another idea is to come up with a code word they can say or text you, so they don’t have to say that they are uncomfortable in front of their friends.
So, talk to your kids now, talk often, and make a plan. You can make a difference in preventing your child from using drugs or alcohol.
TIP!!
Download the “Talk. They Hear You.” mobile app for tips on how to start the conversation: http://1.usa.gov/1DpbtO6